Can't Sleep

I can't sleep and I have to be up really early so I thought maybe I could just blog myself to sleep. Maybe? Maybe not. My son is asleep next to me right now. I am happy he's with me. He looks like an angel. Hopefully he won't pee on me, though. That always makes a really good night's sleep turn go south. He will never wet his own bed, but rest assured when he sweet talks his way into sleeping in mommy's room, that he will somehow down a sippy cup of juice when I am not looking and before I know it 3:00am has arrived along with wet sheets and a sobbing four year old who just wants to be held, not a mid-night bath.

I have been working a lot of hours at Harrah's, overtime here and there. I do most of my school work online which takes about 15 hours a week and then I still usually have to go to the actual University once or twice a week to take quizzes or tests. I did get an A on one quiz last week so I was happy with that. That was Biological Evidence. Criminal Psychology is proving to be a little bit tougher than I thought it would be. I think that I was a little over confident going into this set of classes because I did so well last time around. I know i will do well and I am, but it is taking more effort than expected to excel. I am not just satisfied with B's and C's. I love looking at a transcript that says 4.0. Some people think that I am expecting too much from myself or I am being a perfectionist but I think it is worth the effort to do my best. Hopefully, in August, I will transfer to Lindenwood (or if I get accepted, Washington University) and join the R.O.T.C. program. When I graduate I will be commissioned as a 2nd LT. I love the Army... I really think that becoming an officer would be the right choice for me.

I found out some sad news about a friend passing away today. I couldn't help but think about how March is around the corner and Ryan will have been gone for one year. I thought is was so ironic that his favorite football team won the Super Bowl the year that he passed away. I was watching the game here and there while I was at work and I just kept thinking, "I really hope they win this one for Ryan." The other day I was looking at pictures on my myspace and came across the one of Ryan and Jayden. Jayden was right there and he said, "Oh look, there's Ryan, Mommy!" It kind of caught me off gaurd. I am just glad that Jayden remembers him I guess is what I am trying to say. Between losing Ryan in March and then my father in May, I think that these up coming months are going to bring a lot of time to reflect on if I am making the right decisions in my life because the obvious moral here is how precious life is and how you should never take anyone you love for granted. You don't want to waste time making irresponsible choices when you could be working towards a positive and happy future with the people that matter the most to you.

Tomorrow night, after I get back, my mom is making a family dinner. I am really happy that we are all getting together to eat. We all see eachother a lot, but we don't really get to actually sit all together at once and talk too often. I am looking forward to just being with my family and hanging out. My son loves going to Grandma's house. Sometime's I am not sure whether it's because he wants to see Grandma or if he just want a bunch of snacks, free reign of the TV, and an infinite number of hugs and kisses at his fingertips. Honestly though, I love seeing my son and my mom together. They are so cute. He always says, "Mommy, can I go to your Grandma's house?", and then I say, "Well, she's not my Grandma, sweetie, she's your Grandma." He means he wants to go see her though. It's sweet.

Alright, I am finally getting tired. I have to be up at 0600. Looks like i'll be tired tomorrow, but i'm not stressin' about it. Thanks for listening, bloggy blogsters. Goodnight.